As you probably know, I am not good at not sharing. A lot of really paramount things have happened to me in my spiritual life, and it has been hard for me as I have kept it to myself to digest and not mis-speak. I fear being misunderstood. I pray these words can be accepted even if not comprehended. I have learned that we humans are not designed to comprehend everything nor capable of living at the same time as knowing or understanding everything, at least not in our current state. In my Pride and Ego and desire for mental control to soothe my insecurities, I have fallen a long way, for a long time, unknowlingly. My soul was lost and tasted death.
A number of very specific things happened in my life resulting in the realization that my soul had been walking into hell. It started in a place of omnist, pegan-inspired and hindu and buddhist inspired spiritual exploration. This is my story. Jesus Christ reached down to hades and pulled me out of hell. Only when I cried to Him. Only when I saw my truth. But every time I did so. I am a sinner. I am a lost sheep. I do not want consolation!!! Jesus Christ is my consolation and to take away sight of sin from someone is evil.
In my heart along my journey, I have been very afraid of rejection. So many people that I love and care about have been hurt by Christians. I let this feed my distain for Christians and avoided Christian communities. But the truth is that only Jesus Christ can save us. When we don’t fall, we don’t need it enough. When we don’t fall, we don’t want it enough. When we need it and we want it, we will find it. Don’t be afraid to fall. Faith is a gift, but our hearts must be open to receive it.
My job isn’t to fix you. My job isn’t to convert you. I can't heal you. I am a sinner. My only task is to take up my cross in battle against Satan through the intercessions of the Saints and calling upon Jesus Christ to my aid. Love is the answer. Patience and compassion and humility are the answer. And respect and free-will are essential components of love.
I don’t know everything. I am not meant to know everything. In my attempt to know more than I ought, I found death. To be a Christian is to pester God to save you and guide you and keep you from the evil one. It is to be uncomfortable and to rejoice in it. It is to face persecution willingly with open arms. It is not easy. But it is the cup that overflows. And we are called to it.
I don’t know what is going to happen in my social life when people hear this from me. I may lose loved ones. I may start fights. But whatever happens, Let God’s will be done. These are hard times. There is no use pretending to fit in. That is not who I am. That is not who I want to be nor who I am meant to be.
Here is what I see now that I did not:
-satan is absolutely real. My fear/deciding to not believe doesn’t change the facts or make it go away.
-Christians who do evil are under attack by satan.
-all people who do evil are under attack by satan.
[Evil is anything from complaining to murder. There is a wide spectrum of what constitutes evil but I think we can all agree that the things that hurt us in the end probably weren’t good for us to begin with like we thought they would be. There are a million beautiful (holy) secular lenses with which to see the truth and to understand this concept. Harness the tools that you have and don’t let others bully you away from them.]
-God works in all things. God gets His hands dirty. He does not shy away from using all tools and all means to get our attention or lead us to salvation. He is *always* laboring to lead us to salvation and get our attention. All we have to do is let ourselves soften and be curious as a child and as loyal to our God as an animal companion to its human.
-The bible is packed full of wisdom and healing. As someone who considered myself Christian for 23 years, I still have not read the whole bible and avoiding it has been an unrealized action of me habitually giving way to temptation of the devil.
-Regardless of the evil done publicly and openly by Christians! The bible ! Is healing ! Jesus Christ ! Is good ! And saving ! And all-loving !
I can’t stress this enough. Self-proclaimed Christians have committed some of the worst atrocities throughout human history, but it does not discredit Jesus Christ himself or the bible itself.. In the same way that a husband and wife do not deserve the same punishment when one falls and the other does not. We are our own beings.
People talk shit about the bible, but so few people have actually read it in my experience.
People talk shit about the bible, but so few people have actually read it in my experience.
-Everybody worships something.
Most of us worship our significant others. This is the most common theme. We fall down at their feet with all our vulnerability. We ask them to fix us and heal us. We sing about them “completing us”, and we give them all our problems. And it ruins us. It ruins us and them because no human can handle that weight. Only God can handle that weight. He is the only one who will ever be able to. Some people worship their solitude, themselves. Some people worship their homes and their possessions. Some their friends. Who knows. It is not our job to figure it out for anyone else but only our job to look at and take responsibility for ourselves.
Most of us worship our significant others. This is the most common theme. We fall down at their feet with all our vulnerability. We ask them to fix us and heal us. We sing about them “completing us”, and we give them all our problems. And it ruins us. It ruins us and them because no human can handle that weight. Only God can handle that weight. He is the only one who will ever be able to. Some people worship their solitude, themselves. Some people worship their homes and their possessions. Some their friends. Who knows. It is not our job to figure it out for anyone else but only our job to look at and take responsibility for ourselves.
-Following rules sets us free and ignoring them enslaves us.
As a tree is free by growing like a tree and doing what trees do best, and a cat is free by living like a cat and doing what cats do, and a bird is free by living like birds do… and when fair rules are followed, it creates societies, it creates machines, it creates computers and these all are greater than their individual parts. All of nature is built on the rules of science. Rules are freedom. Even Jesus Christ does not ask unfair rules. We are children and we are naïve and it is not easy trusting someone else to decide things for us. In the world we are let down by all, but in Christ we will never be let down. If you don’t believe me read the book of Job.
As a tree is free by growing like a tree and doing what trees do best, and a cat is free by living like a cat and doing what cats do, and a bird is free by living like birds do… and when fair rules are followed, it creates societies, it creates machines, it creates computers and these all are greater than their individual parts. All of nature is built on the rules of science. Rules are freedom. Even Jesus Christ does not ask unfair rules. We are children and we are naïve and it is not easy trusting someone else to decide things for us. In the world we are let down by all, but in Christ we will never be let down. If you don’t believe me read the book of Job.
-You can not have the church without the saints. The church is a family and God is the father of the family. It is a large and diverse family. And we are all invited to be members of it. We are all called to be saints. Do not worship anyone besides Jesus Christ God. These are people meant to be your mentors and friends, your fellow warriors for Christ where prayer to God is our weapon. We kiss them and pray to them out of honor, asking for their prayers for us. They are the masters of prayer, and if you take time to be curious and get to know them you will find that they are all extremely unique and diverse, living God’s will through their own truths in their own being that God gave them to be. Let them reach out to you and reach out to them in return. Develop these relationships and let them inspire you. God gave his Holy Spirit and humbled himself, relinquishing control so that He could be with us. And those who follow Him he brings to the rank of His friends. He is our Shepherd and we are His sheep but it is much more than that, beyond human words, explanation or comprehension. Do not isolate yourself from the church which is your eternal family. No matter how you disagree with others. Our neighbor is our salvation. Discourse is healthy and we should learn it in love and respect. We must let others humble us and gain insight from them. As flawed humans we each only know a part of the picture and we are in need of each other to be shown our blind spots.
-Tarot cards are against God’s will for humans to use. I don’t know anything else except that they absolutely do work and it leads people who realize this into hell via addiction, ego-filling, and turning to the cards more than Christ. Aka Idolatry, and the easiest path to be led to hell for me. If we are capable of knowing and experiencing without it killing us, God gives it to us. But we are blinded by satan. It is not our fault, but it is a fact that we can not see what is actually happening to us when we are filled with positive feelings and rushes as a result of our actions because we live a life of coping mechanisms to trauma. Trauma that no one else can ever fathom or heal but God alone.
As Christians, we must give God the reins of our live. We must question our minds and try to train ourselves to separate our intuition from our ego and from our bias. We must learn to tell our needs for rest from the sin of sloth. And our needs for food from the sin of gluttony. There is only one good way to do this. Test your actual human limits. Then you will know. I personally think activities such as backpacking and mountain climbing are important to salvation for this reason. There is no better analogy for the Christian journey than to be a mountain climber.
I could go on. I can tell you the red flags I saw in the alternative spirituality. Everything from the way you hold your hands to the rules of preserving vibrational states they say. In the end it is worshipping of the ego because there is no higher power to aid in those teachings, but only the self and through these belief systems, giving credit to ourselves for what a higher power did for us. Everything about our life is happening to us whether we want it to or choose it to or not. Things are running like a well-oiled machine and sometimes we drop our gum inside and clog it up, but we are still learning how it works so attributing it all working to ourselves is evil, a lie, and a sin. The worst part here is the devil casts spells on us to trick us into believing we are capable of controlling our power. But we are not capable of controlling the power God gives us without God. Instead, we are broken down and made vulnerable for more attack from satan.
E.g. Many of the teachings do work. They do give you access to communicate with spirits but that means they make you especially vulnerable to manipulation from the devil if you are without Christ. This is what happened to me.
What is extremely frightening to me to this day is that if I did not know the Jesus prayer or the power of it, I may not be okay. And that is very frightening. Trust your guts. Know what you know. Listen, let others humble you, turn to God and ask for guidance. The first thing the devil tried to do was get me to second-guess myself and what I truly know in my gut. This is different from ego or bias and is usually a "knowing" that is beyond articulation. And that is okay.
Some of the teachings do not work. Some are only lies and perhaps spells the devil casts on us to gain our belief and submit to him. This is frightening. It is frightening how close I got to worshiping or being controlled by the devil. This is likely the definition of demonic possession. It requires our free will which is acquired through manipulation of our dark thoughts in our weakest states.
The devil does have power over the material world. The devil can and will offer you and give you things in this life. Anything from fame to wealth to long life etc etc etc. he can and he will! If he thinks it will help keep you from God. This is something we forget, I think. And it makes it easy for us to fall!!
Satan grants wishes. Satan can give you sight of the future, and heal you and lengthen your life.
So you must be sure you know what you are dealing with or else flee and stop dealing. Immediately.
Lord Jesus Christ son of God Have Mercy on Me a Sinner.
Lord Jesus Christ son of God Have Mercy on Me a Sinner.
Lord Jesus Christ son of God Have Mercy on Me a Sinner.
Amen
This is the Jesus prayer and it will protect you if you use it to call upon Christ. In any and all situations. It will always protect you and your soul. Using it saved me. (3 times a charm)
If you are curious about God or Satan, read the bible. It provides to us a level of detail and understanding that will not lead us into hell through ego but instead will aid us in our spiritual journey (and war).
If you have been given the knowledge or sensitivity or sight of something spiritual or mystical to be real, but have not read the bible, or have not followed through with your curiosity, I recommend reading the bible. I was one of those. I had been shown miracles that I believed for years but I still did not give credit where it was due. I only went through the motions and did not ponder Jesus Christ. Because He was a man, I assume I can not trust Him as I am a woman. The devil played off of this for me as well. Every weakness will be attacked. We don't know or see.
I have a lot of work still to be done to save me. Repentance is a lifelong commitment!
Please pray for me!
