Our Society Celebrates Lust! (Also this is not meant to be a shaming post! Just an explicit one!)

Disclaimer: I understand that this post may be triggering. Especially for people who have been raised by extremist Christian communities. Because talk about evil, the devil, and God is used as a weapon against others instead of a tool to enlightenment and healing. I think it is extremely important that when we have these discussions, we frame them with a frame of "I am a sinner, and I am good, and I am loved unconditionally by God. Mentioning "Evil" or "The devil" should not be considered accusatory or attacking/offensive in and of itself. It should not be that on its own. But unfortunately many communities use these terms to scare people and threaten people. This is not Christian. So, with the understanding that I believe that we should not be using fear to shame people into anything, you may proceed.

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Our society celebrates lust.

Our society dominated by men who have lost grip on ethics, on self-discipline… and have become porn addicted to cope with their heart’s disconnection from Christ.. Celebrates! Lust!

Lord Have Mercy!

We don’t know how deep we are in it!
I am bisexual which means that the female body arouses me at the same (or often greater) frequency that the male body does.
I have always been like this. This is not a choice. No I did not “experiment to find out”. I simply was honest with myself about my experience of life.

I wish I could make women realize the damage they are doing to the world when they reveal their bodies in provocative ways. It is extremely provocative and I can tell you for a fact that it is virtually impossible for me to not sin when I see photographs of women in bikini swimsuits.

Yes! Lust is a sin! Arousal and sexuality on their own are not, but lust; the craving for another human who has not been made your own; is!

The desire to self-indulge and self-gratify is!

And any tempting thing that pulls us away from a self-sacrificing unconditional love and respect for our neighbor and our God is a sin and is evil from the devil!

And we can chose whether we perpetuate this evil or not! We have control over our actions! Whether we speak or not. Whether we make something to be serious or a joke. Whether we share our lust and make it commonplace or not.

Women are still raped!!! All over the world!!! Every day!!!

And as a bisexual women with a high libido, I can tell you that as will all problems, there are many complex factors and contributors!

We celebrate lust! We celebrate porn! We foster environments that are conducive to evil. To self-gratifying, and lack-of-respecting-other-human beings-as-holy, evil!

As any horny person should know, the line between selfish and selfless is thin. The line between too far and not is blurry. Sexual arousal by design is intoxicating, addictive, and escapist. The threads to death are numerous!! Self-control and self-respect and respect for others are paramount!

I frankly don’t know how a lonely, spiritually-blind (all of us have blind spots) single person with a high libido in our world WOULDN’T be addicted to porn. It is a damaging. It is harmful. It is dangerous and it is everywhere. It is now commonplace that women make themselves to represent porn; everywhere they go. And to value themselves as a pornographic image is valued. We are more than our sexualities. Life and love is much greater than sex. The blessings Christ offers us in the kingdom of heaven make sex look like a speck of dust. We have to be willing to listen to this truth! Do we want the kingdom of heaven? Do we want the things Christ offers us?
We have to decide. There is no wishy-washy middle place. There is an unconditional love of our Creator OR there is a world of isolation, fear, disorder, and chaos. Like being stuck lost in a foggy town you have never been to and looking for what you hold most dear, and being led far away from it actively.

There is science to back this up. (There always is science to back up the truth btw). Please see: https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-can-porn-harm-consumers-relationships-and-society/

Here is a quick test to see if lust is pulling you into hell at all.
Next time you see a mostly-naked woman (on a bulletin board/in a magazine— oh trust me you will. You might even be surprised how fast it happens once you start waiting for it to)
Notice what your body and mind do and where your eyes gravitate.

Do your eyes:
-Gravitate to her eyes and her face
-Gravitate to her breasts/waist/legs/butt 0

Does your heart:
-crave to be intimate with this stranger 0
-Feel curiosity for who she is as a person
-Feel extreme respect and/or fondness for her as a individual independent human being of her own with her own mind and heart and body and aspirations.

Does your mind:
-wish to give her any possessions she wants without ever seeing from or hearing from her again
-have a willingness to sacrifice your life for her without anything in return
-forgive her for all her sins; no matter how much they hurt you or others or society
-want her to be someone specific 0
-want her to do something specific 0
-want anything from her 0

It should be obvious but if any of these things have a 0 by them, then the devil is manipulating you and pulling you into hell and evil works.
Yes.
This is a real thing.
Dx sigh
I don’t know how to be explicit without triggering someone. It’s just how it is.

Holy Sex

Holy sex inspires loyalty, communion, communication, "Showing up"/vulnerability, acceptance, compassion, honesty, humility.

It makes the evil one flee when both parties are 100% committed to Christ.

Holy sex creates a synergy and amplification of love and talents.

Holy sex in its place and time.

Lord have mercy. 

~

"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily-angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but it rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. " 

-1st Book of Corinthians Chapter 13; Verse 4 through 8, The Bible, New International Version

Glory to Jesus Christ our Redeemer and Salvation

Send me forgiveness and redemption, Oh my God! 
You are more wonderful than all your works-- and in betrayal, I gave myself over to death. 
I am given the Earth and the heavens, even as I betray you--Oh Holy Christ. 
You do not keep your blessings from me. You do not withhold your grace. 
I am worthy of death, but death you do not give me. 
Oh Holy Christ. When I fall and curse, you raise me up. 
When I die in sin, you die in purity to save my soul. 
Glory to You Oh Lord Glory to You! How wonderful are your works! 
Forgive me Oh Lord; in my unbelief, I have killed you. 
In my fallen state, you have been crucified. 
But how you never leave my side by your pure love. 

January 4th, 2022

A stranger to my soul

 Still my desires are earthly minded. 

Your soul feels untouched by the darkness that I carry.

How could I dare drag you into it with me?

No-- I could not attain your level of prosperity.

How does one relate to the wealth of the heart?

I don't submit. I don't bend. 
Do you see the truth of my nature?

My demise in the depths of a pit.

In a hole at the base of the ocean,

my limbs burn like fire as I seek eternal death.

The flame of my heart burns for salvation and redemption.

The land you live in is foreign to me. Xenia, a stranger, I forever wander.

In tears I plea crying--

Lord God Jesus Christ, Let me not die in loneliness and isolation.

Separated from your light and love.

For all around me, I walk through fire.

The time of war is among us. No soul is exempt. 

I watch as many perish.  I can not save them. 

Do not fear this reality. Do not misunderstand me. 

The only thing we have to fear is the dishonor of our own

hearts and minds to our God and Creator. 

Woe and Woe

Your soul brings me comfort and alarms me--

how do you walk through the fire unscathed?

The demons of sloth or lust may overtake you,

climbing onto your back and yet in the next moment they are turned to dust.

"Our neighbor is our salvation", and your life is overflowing with neighborly love.

The true bliss that we all seek comes from the patience,

and forgiveness of the heart in neighborly love. 

We Christians are called to embrace our talents,

sacrifice our egos, and give our all to each other, in love.

We must love each other about all we receive in life--forever. 

This is the necessary state of an eternal soul. 

Now listen, dear friend.

How am I to attain to your state?

How am I to be forgiven?

When the neighbors God gave me in early life

have sucked me try of my health and wellness..

My heart has been made hard to love.

And when the one who showed it to me the most was taken from my heart and home...

Perhaps temporary but made to feel eternal by satan.

And in response I curse the world,

the maker and the ways.

I sought relief in temporary bandaids of idolatry and lust. 

My only comfort in my distrust of God was death.

Grief turned to despair. 

Hope washed away.

Here me now, dear friend.

My heart beats and it aches.

I am a lone soldier on the battlefield of war.

In my bitterness I fled my allies. In my ego, I ignored my friends.

My isolation was my only sanctuary. 

A death sentence accepted. 

So you see,

whether I could love you matters not right now.

My heart and soul are  battered and broken like a shipwrecked sail. 

I need Christ and I need redemption

and I dare not seek after my own desires or goals any longer. 

My gut shows me my strengths and teaches me humility and faith in my broken moments. 

I am a lost sheep and not anything more. 

Made to be a beacon of the holy spirit, I am a foreigner by action and heart. 

I must be led by the hand of God

to see where my home is to be.

For my judgement and criticism come from satan

and my passions blind me to my present blessings. 

Pray for me, dear friend. In love.

-December 2021-

Reflecting On the Year

In 2021 I lived a total of at *least* 6 months of constant severe, debilitating and crippling pain including undergoing an intensive abdominal surgery. I had 3 different jobs plus a move, plus a significant break-up, plus a spiritual death and awakening.

And the only reason I can talk about it now, without being triggered or retraumatized is because I have been given the *incredible gift* of chronic non-crippling and non-debilitating pain most of the time since my laproscopic excision surgery (uncommonly done) and my Physical Therapist AND my Massage Therapist (also uncommonly done). These are the only reasons I have my life back with the level of control near what I desire.

My MD Newville, my PT, and my MT together with me and Jesus Christ my God and Creator all worked miracles through me. It has been a long road, and my scar tissue is still healing. (maybe that's why I am so exhausted all of the time XD)

I went from "I am not right" while every doctor told me "No you are normal *and a whiny paranoid female who is inventing problems that don't exist". To.. "I probably have Endometriosis and this disease is terrifying" To "Yeah so I definitely have it but nobody will believe me, and I need to get this surgery to help my body heal and also to prove it to the world, so that's what I am going to do." I had to trust my own instincts and intuition, knowing that people who love me would question my reasoning. I did it anyway.

Without my friend, Anna, I would not have found this team of wonderworking healers. Nor would I know anything about this disease. I would be in crippling pain without the freedom of the life I want to live. I would be laying flat on my back in pain maybe every day. I don't know where I would be!!

I have learned a lot. I have been through a lot. I have learned that my baseline response to chronic illness is to be a selfish asshole. To myself and to others. Yes, I am serious! I am not good at loving myself when I am low functioning! I am not good at humbling myself and slowing down to meet others when they are going through similar! Yes, I have to have compassion on myself as well. I have learned that selfish assholes are usually selfish assholes because of a trauma response that has become habit.

I used to be the friend who would offer the celiac people in my life gluten at every gathering. I have always forgotten everyone's birthday every year, but so many people would come join me to celebrate mine. So hopefully this year served it's purpose as an educational one. It will take me years to fully process everything I have gone through.

And don't get me started on my surgery recovery. I am a member of an Endometriosis support group, but it is not easy to be because *Most women are stuck where I would have been if I did not receive this treatment*! My friend Anna has the gift of researching, even challenging emotionally-painful topics (which I am incapable of doing) and because of her gift, I received help. Without it, I would be in a different place. I am eternally grateful to you Anna and also to God, who has held my hand every-step of the way on this journey. I am still standing. I have been knocked down so many times, but I am still standing. Glory to God for all life. Amen.

You are not

 You are not your failures.

You are not your successes.

You are not your feelings.

You are not your fears.

You are not your ideas.

You are not your sins.

You are not your talents.

You are not your possessions.

You are not your thoughts.

You are not your body.

You are not your sexuality.

You are not your politics. 

You are not your ideology. 

You are not your experiences.

You are not inherently bad when you do bad things.

You are not bad when you think about bad things.

You are not bad when you feel bad things. 

You are more than that.