A stranger to my soul

 Still my desires are earthly minded. 

Your soul feels untouched by the darkness that I carry.

How could I dare drag you into it with me?

No-- I could not attain your level of prosperity.

How does one relate to the wealth of the heart?

I don't submit. I don't bend. 
Do you see the truth of my nature?

My demise in the depths of a pit.

In a hole at the base of the ocean,

my limbs burn like fire as I seek eternal death.

The flame of my heart burns for salvation and redemption.

The land you live in is foreign to me. Xenia, a stranger, I forever wander.

In tears I plea crying--

Lord God Jesus Christ, Let me not die in loneliness and isolation.

Separated from your light and love.

For all around me, I walk through fire.

The time of war is among us. No soul is exempt. 

I watch as many perish.  I can not save them. 

Do not fear this reality. Do not misunderstand me. 

The only thing we have to fear is the dishonor of our own

hearts and minds to our God and Creator. 

Woe and Woe

Your soul brings me comfort and alarms me--

how do you walk through the fire unscathed?

The demons of sloth or lust may overtake you,

climbing onto your back and yet in the next moment they are turned to dust.

"Our neighbor is our salvation", and your life is overflowing with neighborly love.

The true bliss that we all seek comes from the patience,

and forgiveness of the heart in neighborly love. 

We Christians are called to embrace our talents,

sacrifice our egos, and give our all to each other, in love.

We must love each other about all we receive in life--forever. 

This is the necessary state of an eternal soul. 

Now listen, dear friend.

How am I to attain to your state?

How am I to be forgiven?

When the neighbors God gave me in early life

have sucked me try of my health and wellness..

My heart has been made hard to love.

And when the one who showed it to me the most was taken from my heart and home...

Perhaps temporary but made to feel eternal by satan.

And in response I curse the world,

the maker and the ways.

I sought relief in temporary bandaids of idolatry and lust. 

My only comfort in my distrust of God was death.

Grief turned to despair. 

Hope washed away.

Here me now, dear friend.

My heart beats and it aches.

I am a lone soldier on the battlefield of war.

In my bitterness I fled my allies. In my ego, I ignored my friends.

My isolation was my only sanctuary. 

A death sentence accepted. 

So you see,

whether I could love you matters not right now.

My heart and soul are  battered and broken like a shipwrecked sail. 

I need Christ and I need redemption

and I dare not seek after my own desires or goals any longer. 

My gut shows me my strengths and teaches me humility and faith in my broken moments. 

I am a lost sheep and not anything more. 

Made to be a beacon of the holy spirit, I am a foreigner by action and heart. 

I must be led by the hand of God

to see where my home is to be.

For my judgement and criticism come from satan

and my passions blind me to my present blessings. 

Pray for me, dear friend. In love.

-December 2021-